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ぶろ愚の骨頂

ぶろ愚の骨頂

源九郎の日々のつれづれ、心のつれづれ、Mac & iPhone 3Gのつれづれ

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2024


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2007年01月14日(日)

あいつとアイツ [今もそこにある光/その先にある光]

 メッセで元カレに叱られた…。
 2年ぶりだというのにやっぱり叱られてるオレ…。『叱られキャラ』はダテじゃない?(笑

「幸せにできなかった」なンて思うなッて。
 付き合っている間は幸せだったし、色んなものをもらったと。
 今の自分があるのはオレのお陰とまで云ってくれた。(もちろん、オレ一人のお陰ではないけどね)

 その言葉の全てを素直に受け入れられるほどオレは自信家ではないし、まだ少しは負い目のようなものが残っているけど、もう二度とそんなことは云わないようにしよう。

 そうでなければあいつが嘘をついていることになる。

 あの時はオレも幸せだった。
 そして今も、時には思い悩まされることはあるが、幸せだ。

 これからは「幸せを共有したあいつ」と「幸せを共有したいアイツ」この2人を大切にしていこう…。

 去年の暮れ辺りから堕ち気味だったけど、少し気分が晴れた感じ。

 そう「オレはいつでも元気」だよ。


 あ、結局またネタにしちゃったよ…。

Posted by 源九郎 at 19時38分   パーマリンク

2007年01月11日(木)

ヴィヴィアン好きッて… [今もそこにある光/その先にある光]

 数日前、mixiにいる元カレにメッセージを送った。
 去年の11月にオレのTopを踏んでから、ニックネームを変え、Top画を消したままにしているのが気になったのと、成人のお祝いを兼ねて…。

 内容的には初夢(?)の中で云ったことをそのまま書いたのだが、上手く伝わったかどうか。
 …ッて云うか、ほとんどログインしてないみたいだから、まだ読んでないだろうな。

 久々に元カレのTopを踏んで判明したこと…『ヴィヴィアン好き』…思わず「お前もかよ…」とひとり笑ってしまった。『(未購入…涙)』の文字に思わず何か買ってやりたくなったのは、何も買ってやれなかったという後悔があるからだろうか…。

 そう云えば元カレには何も買ってやれなかった。せいぜい安物のペア・リングぐらいだもンな。今、アイツに会いに行く度になにがしか買っていくのはその反動だろうか。
 まぁ、クリスマス、成人式、そして来月の誕生日と、プレゼントやお祝いを贈る時季が続いた所為かもな。
 今月もまた、成人祝いの他にもアレコレと買い込んでしまった。あとは日本酒を行きがけに買うだけだ。
 来月は誕生日だけど、正直ネタ切れで何を買ってあげたらいいのか困っていたりする。(本人は何もいらない、と云ってるけどね)
「いらない」とは云ってはいるけど、今欲しいものを聞き出さなきゃなぁ〜。でも、聞くと決まって高価なものを云うンだよな。「フランクミューラー」とかオレには到底買えないものを…。
 買えそうなものだとホントに買うからだって。

 でもやっぱり、誕生日プレゼントは買ってあげたいよなぁ…。(フランクミューラーは無理だけど…)

Posted by 源九郎 at 02時06分   パーマリンク

2007年01月09日(火)

潜航 [今もそこにある光/その先にある光]

 今年に入って堕ちたまま這い上がれずに潜航中…。

 オレはなンだろうと自問自答。考えるまでもないのにな。
 答えは出ている。

「なんでもない」

 ちょっとでも、ホンのわずかでもいいから特別な存在でありたいと思うのは無理なことなのだろうな。

 所詮無理。

 オレにとっては唯一の存在でも、オレはそうじゃない。

 オレは…論外か。

 元カレを幸せにしてやれなかった負い目と後悔がオレを押し潰す。
 幸せにしてあげられない惨めさがオレを斬り刻む。

 現在潜航中。ソナー反応なし。

Posted by 源九郎 at 00時04分   パーマリンク

2007年01月07日(日)

祝・成人 [今もそこにある光/その先にある光]

 明日、明後日の2日間でほとんどの地域で成人式が行われるのだろう。
 去年、破綻を表明したオレの生まれ故郷、夕張では市から支給される予算1万円という中、市民などからの好意の寄付もあり、成人たち自らの手で作られた質素な成人式が執り行われる。
 毎年、成人の日といえば、成人の暴走などで何かとニュースで取りざたされているが、今年はどうなるのだろう。
 夕張の成人たちの苦労を考えたら能天気に浮かれまくっていられないような気もしないではないが、所詮は他人事なんだろうな。明日のニュースでは今年も暴れ回る成人たちの姿が流され、成人式の是非を問う声が上がるのだろう。

 元カレとアイツ、オレの大切な2人もまた、成人式を迎える。

 今も大切な人と、今一番大切な人。幸せにしてやれなかった人と幸せにしてやれない人。
 偶然か皮肉か、2人は同い年。

 願わくば、馬鹿な連中と同じようなことだけはしないで欲しいな。

 成人、おめでとう。

Posted by 源九郎 at 00時42分   パーマリンク

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